one time saturn itself sprouted legs and a gender, landed, double knotted his nikes
straightened his rings and held my hand to the soft spot of himself, that place where
his skin bruised the shape of new jersey during that diorama life when we were all fruits
swinging like balls of yarn
trying to unbecome
the earth was a potato with a nickel lodged into its side, then –
i remember that much, and saturn was a peach
i was a something with wings feeding on the nectar,
trying to get the pit where just enough cyanide is stored
his rings weren’t yet crystallized around the gravity of himself
his rings were still trying to be a harp inside his hum, then.
i guess i found something in the way his flesh crooned itself tender
from the inside out, i guess i never forgot the annihilation
i guess i tucked it into my skin condition,
into the way my biology is always failing to replicate the song,
to bring this planet closer
i guess he’s never been mine, but still Saturn comes to me
sprouts cartoon eyeballs, an appreciation for hydrangeas
he grabs my other hand, pulls me down oxford street to the nearest bush, he says
WOW LOOK AT THIS FLOWER RIGHT HERE. IT’S WAVING TO ME, I THINK IT USED TO BE MY EYELASH ONCE AND THEN I WANTED TO BE A REAL BOY. I DON’T KNOW IF I WANT TO BE A REAL BOY ANYMORE. DO YOU HEAR IT CRYING?
saturn is crying
saturn plucks the flower, hands it to me, tells me to keep it safe
i shove it in my nose. i tell him, that’s where i store my love
the rest is somewhere in the ocean
he says HEY ME TOO, ME TOO. I STORE MY LOVE INSIDE A WHALE, because of course he does and then he tells me IT’S TUCKED BEHIND THE STEINWAY OF ITS TEETH, ATOP THE INK BLOTS OF ITS TONGUE. YOU KNOW, I STILL FEEL IT THERE, LIKE A PHANTOM LIMB. I THINK THAT’S WHY I CAN’T LOVE YOU. I THINK THAT’S WHY I STILL WANT TO.
I THINK SOMETIMES I AM STILL SINGING FOR YOU. SOMEWHERE IN THE PACIFIC.
my hand still pressed to his soft spot and now saturn hugging himself to the tune of me, wanting to hold one flower to the bruise of himself but still, always wanting all of the flowers, every flower, and he Loves Me Loves Me Not Today but he Did Once but now saturn lives in the sky. stores his pit in the mouth of a sea elephant
he drowns his love and calls it a whale song
saturn says IF I COULD FIT INTO ANYONE’S NOSE I’D WANT IT TO BE YOURS
saturn steps closer, trips over his shoelaces, he falls to the earth.
somewhere out there, tectonics groan. a car alarm goes off.
i imagine that half of california is falling into the ocean.