messy kisser

when he’s with her in the same bed i feel numb i feel like dead i fucked all his friends in front of him until he said stop & i didn’t someone’s gonna say a bad word soon someone someday’s gonna give me the moon & i’ll say i’m scared of the dark didn’t you see that movie? she ate hair she ate glass
i’m walking through your city like a paralytic
i’m walking through your city like i hear the music & can’t raise my arms to touch it
& do you want me really?
i didn’t eat trust til i was sixteen
got burned wide white open, blistered, was bleeding
all those songs that sound slow remind me of us
before the fall before i looked at you & said “no”
i’m trying to touch you with my hands tied behind my back
i’m trying to love you with a mouth that only says four letter words in anger
or hurt
nothing is ever enough
get fucked
trust issues
i trust/i trusted you
or i want to
what medicine makes you
sleep best?
go to bed with my panties wet
always wanting more,
you want her because she’s easier
i understand
i said that about the rope around my hands
said nothing yet about my neck
it felt good, yes
me & you in the bathroom knees hitting white, ready set
i came, i conquered
or i tried


someone said my boyfriend sounds like a dick but he doesn’t rob anymore he doesn’t even like it when i play with the gun he says my eyes get too bright like two blue diamonds & he can’t stand it but did you know that he wouldn’t kiss me with his tongue for the first four months because he didn’t feel safe enough did you know that he still won’t eat my pussy & his friends say it’s because he’s a gangster but i know it’s because he’s an angel, he’s too innocent

cats dogs

in the sunshine apartment on top of the stairs you had blood in your mouth
because your teeth were too brown
& i only let him spit methadone into my mouth because i meant to keep it
for you i wanted to prove
i could do more than swallow
from his mouth to my mouth to your mouth from my cup
this is to bad luck
your mouth was bleeding because you never brushed your teeth
i drove with somebody i knew to the heroin addiction clinic
& they gave him methadone that he kept in his mouth
until he got to the car & then he’d spit it into mine
& i’d spit mine into my cup
baby bird
& we’d drink too much
on top of that
& we’d fuck too hard
on top of that
& when you got better it was years later
but i left
wherever i loved you:
i always go back
i can’t

death metal forever

planned to stay in this city for 12 days but i just lost my plane ticket on purpose
with him & that wasn’t the plan but there was none i don’t get roses i never liked flowers much touching guns sucking my
thumb only the
saddest songs
i’ve stopped wearing makeup
him & me we
stay up all night i don’t mind
“too much coke” i don’t
mind we fuck slow he
cums in me we watch tv i open the
window i like it closed i’ve been
wearing his socks for one week hot
water his shower smells like
coconuts & nectarine girl/disaster i’ll
die alone with my hands on his waist or in bed
with one of his friends he
lets me fuck whoever i want he
doesn’t get mad we laugh
he’s jealous i’m sick again
i love it when people throw money
he told me
“i want to fuck with you only”
i love it when his friends say
if someone has a problem tell us
we’ll make it better
i’m better now
cigarette or a spliff in my mouth i’m
better now
some of these boys are so rich that big house those parties
make you angry baby make you lonely
some of these boys like my knees
on the kitchen floor sex at sunset
bruises by morning
this wine costs 200 euros & we
drank it in ten minutes that’s
because when you’re a queen &
you’re with kings you wear a crown
made of right fucking now
heaven came down
do you believe in god? someone
hell yeah
i think that heaven is when i’m so
high i forget what my heart feels like
my favorite angel is the vein when it breaks on your
wrist when it opens
love you? i won’t
but you are here you are
i want to die with six wedding rings
on my finger alone in a pink
room in a bathtub with a bottle of
whiskey between my legs & enough
bruises on my face to remind
everyone at my funeral that i was just
so beautiful
i had to be touched hard

Adderall by Monica McClure

Tweeeeet Tweeet Tweeeet

Something cute is happening in front of me and my manager’s roommate while we smoke weed in the back of the bar.

I ask, “Did I hear John say you two recently moved?”

“Yeah, we did.”

“Oh, where you living now?”

There’s a lovely pause in our friendly conversation.

“Park Avenue.”

“Oh,” I say. Our eyes twinkle and shine toward one another. “Very cool.”

“Yeah, we moved around two weeks ago.”

“It’s funny,” I say, “You have more money right now than I’ll have my whole life. That’s very nice for you.”

He thanks me and expresses profound humility.

“Yeah,” I twirl my thumbs. “I just realized I can’t relate with your life in anyway whatsoever. Have a great day!”

There is something nice about me when I meet Paul near Boston Commons.

“So, that made me feel really emasculated,” I remark to her.

“Stop it.”

“Do I smell bad to you? I haven’t showered in a while and all my clothes are dirty.”

“No, I don’t smell anything.”

We sit in front of ducks or geese.

“I just want to remind you that you can be completely honest with me.”

“You do smell but it doesn’t bother me,” she divulges to me in confidence.

A grand jury recently decided not to indict police officer Darren Wilson in the murder of Michael Brown.

“That’s terrible,” she says.

“I agree.”

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I Don’t Really Know Much About Rosh Hashanah Except That We Throw Bread at Ducks

“We need to do something for Rosh Hashanah,” said Hannah, hovering over me at my desk.

“Fuck, is that really this week?” I replied. I didn’t turn to face her, most of the conversation consisted of her speaking at me while I stared into my computer screen.

“Yeah, it is,” replied Hannah. “I thought you were Jewish.”

“I haven’t gone to temple in years.”

“Like, what even is Rosh Hashanah?” asked Hannah.

“It’s Jewish new year.”

“Is that the thing where they have the coke bottles with the yellow caps?”

“Dude, I don’t even know what you’re talking about.” I ground my open palm into my right eye.

“You know, when the grocery stores have the two-liter coke bottles with the yellow caps. My husband is really into soda made with real sugar, he buys like ten bottles every time they come out with yellow cap coke.”

“Oh, I think that’s Passover,” I said.

“Jewish Easter!” replied Hannah. There was a pause and then Hannah continued, “But anyway, we really should have something for Rosh Hashanah. We want to make all of the new students feel welcome. This is the first year we’ve had move-in during a religious holiday.”

I was going to mention Ramadan but I let it go. “We could take the students to a lake and throw bread to the ducks.”

“What?” said Hannah.

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