another afternoon alone, outside, in the cold.

i.
sometimes i think i like to hike
because focusing on careful steps and adequate calories
detracts from realities
i don’t know:             how to choose
between an infinite number of options flowing from one into the other
forming an endless series of
lives that i could have led
and did not.

already the suburban teenagers seem
too sullen, their angst
another excuse not to grasp
hold of the reigns thrust upon
by sheer luck.

in high school the guidance counselor
told me that the anger and confusion would subside
in college where you learn
who you truly are.
all i learned was how to get away with not reading
400-plus pages about the logistics of warfare.
all through computer science i watched
another student pick her split ends,
tiny blonde bodies leapt out of a military plane,
ill-prepared for battle.

ii.
today is the day
i will get lost.
they’ll find me
3 weeks later ripped and
rotten beneath a patagonia pack full
of clifbars, untouched maps.

About Jessye Stein

Jessye Stein is 22 and can be found on Tumblr.

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