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A D Jameson | Electric Cereal

Author: A D Jameson

A D Jameson is the author of Amazing Adult Fantasy and Giant Slugs. He is an editor for Requited. He writes for Big Other and HTMLGiant. He can also be found on Twitter.

The Play with All the Zombies in It

I’m thinking of a famous play. I can never remember its title, so I always refer to it as “the play with all the zombies in it.” You know which play I mean. One zombie has an apartment, and another zombie stops by. They hang out for a while, griping about life. Then a third zombie stops by, to borrow some cutlery for a dinner party. Maybe it’s not an apartment, but a drugstore, or a junk shop. The first zombie is older and looking forward to retirement. The second zombie is thinking of maybe cheating on his wife. The third zombie is more like a little kid, and wants to play with some rusty cutlery he’s found. He starts sticking forks and knives in the human brain that’s sitting out on a table.

Killer Robot

Someone made a robot and taught it to kill. The only word it knew how to say was “MUR-DER!” It went around saying that constantly, in an annoying high-pitched voice that could cut through steel. “Well, this is absolute nonsense,” everyone agreed. They all had to drop what they were doing and deal with this murderous killer robot, which of course required canceling weekend plans: air and water shows, athletic competitions, outdoor weddings. Or simply walking and biking along the lakefront trail.

To make matters worse, everyone missed out on some truly gorgeous weather. Southerly winds became southeast by Saturday afternoon, reducing highs on area beaches to the mid 80s. Mixed sun shined through the haze, building high banks of cottony cumulus clouds. The fog departed overnight, leaving Sunday hot but breezy, with plenty of sunshine as thunderstorms settled outside the area. Southeast winds shifted northwest 10–20 mph in the afternoon, and by evening the city felt pleasantly warm, with comfortable humidity levels. And by that time, people had finished taking care of the killer robot, but they were much too exhausted to take in the wonderful weather. They all went home and went to sleep and when they woke up Monday morning, it was raining.

The Girl Who Was from the Future

I met this chick at a party and she told me that she was a visitor from the future. Specifically, she was the only daughter of the warlord who controlled all of the planet’s clean water after the Apocalypse of 2032. She rebelled against his iron-fisted rule at great cost and managed to travel back in time to the present day. Now she was charged with a singular mission: to convince people to like her riot grrl band on Facebook, and to donate whatever they could to a Kickstarter campaign to fund a video for their first single.