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Cand Torrance | Electric Cereal

Author: Cand Torrance

Cand Torrance lives in Ontario. She has been published in Anime Dad Review and The Continuist. She can also be found on Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook.

pabst smear (aka “vomit”)

I’m the malt liquor princess
and I just got into (Y)ale.
I’m in your novel,
your short story,
your screen play,
your psychology textbook
I am Pavlov
and you are foaming at the mouth.
I’m that manic depressive
that never has enough Valium on them.
We’re going on a road trip!
When I suggest a destination,
you can expect me to drive us into the ocean.
I’ll tell you how the salt will baptize your wounds.
‘You’ll write better this way’.
I’ll tell the same joke,
and over.
‘Alt lit.
Alt lit.
Cult lit’.


I shave my legs blind in the shower
and everything turns out patchy,
so I put bumper stickers on my legs.
An anchor,
a cross,
a symbol I learn more about
as the adhesive
is stripped by the sun.
You’re going to be offended by this”.
This isn’t a conscious effort.
This isn’t some sort of artistic statement.
This is just me
picking and choosing
my favourite stubble.
Blind in the shower,
because I’m always blind,
just especially in the shower.
Black Friday is a shower
of sorts.
A shower of crowds.
A torrential downpour.
Strip malls
are the first few strokes you take
if and when you shave your legs.
City planners take my approach.
Select cutting.
Bumper stickers.
Hope you don’t offend.
Know you’re going to offend.
Try again.
Try again.
Try again.