Author: Emilie Feldenzer

Emilie Feldenzer is a blogless teenage poet from Maryland.

Sudden Onset Cyclops (SOC)

I woke up one morning cyclops
The cheesebus came for me I hid
I didn’t want to eat the other children & be someone they didn’t want to play with
Went went went
Found a cave
Lived in it
Ate french-fried stalactites
Studied darknessology

People think being a cyclops is having one eye maybe as big as two eyes
Maybe the size of a face in a nest of golden eyebrows
There’s one side of the world you never get to see
Unless you spin extra extra fast
& you can hardly go around this way every time I go
People zip past on their bicycles
Ogling my left tit yelling
“Hey honey hey baby! Nice left tit!”
Not ideal not ideal but this way
If the tit falls off my heart I will be the second person to know about it

Funny because if it really fell
How many people would still
Look at the tit
All covered in mud
Gum maybe
Really really needing a scrubbing

My other eye meanwhile is still crying at Mom & Dad’s
An old friend tells me they make it
Wash the dishes with my old tears if you can believe it


says can I kiss you.
It’s midnight there are mothy half-stars
leaning in the window. Inside of my mouth
tastes cough-drop bitter though I would

like very much to kiss her
in her horn-rimmed glasses weak as winter she slips them
off she closes her eyes
seals up the woozy blues of her eyes

and kneeling leans in closer
near me till she’s only
silver-blue hair and color and a taking
away of flat lips and for all

the rest of the night I wander through her attic swallowing cough suppressants.
I crawl into my sleeping bag at five and gape at the peach of the morning sky.

Sentience is Confidence
(dedicated to Alex Francis)

amongst the bananas
I walk
for what are their slimy yellow smirks
to somebody like me who can experience subjectively
with pants and fingers and intestines
with love and potassium deficiencies
and other ways of interpreting stimuli that fruits are not equipped to interpret

slipping on the peel
of a banana I have eaten
I fall upon my butt

I strut and fall and strut
down a long empty road
uniformly coated in banana peels

Rest In Public

Murdered Star Relaxing With Her Boyfriend
Inside Their Grave: Tequila Worms . . . For Him?
Zombie Starlet Talks New Movie: Dead End
Hot Zombie Starlet Rotting At The Gym
Murdered Actress Gains Pounds, Says She’s Poisoned
Her Beach Pics: Headless, Showing Lots Of Skin
Murdered Actress Goes On Buzzard Cleanse
Inside Her Coffin: Blood, Old Sexy Friends