Author: Megan Schüirmann

Megan Schüirmann lives in Chicago. She is the author of this is the most comf ortab le place in the entir e world and für ferngully. She has been published by ebenbore haus and gesture. Follow her on Tumblr.

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there is nothing to say
im here frowning, floating
biking, walking dogs
showering, you’ve been gone for a week
i am alone
clean in bed
always in bed
feeding shrimps out of my fried rice to the kitties
they beg
i beg
nothing happens
i ride my bike 10 miles
nothing happens
kinzie street bridge is beautiful at sunset
i sweat a lot
i swear a lot
i stopped making promises
there’s no point
i quit things then take them up again
i wash my sheets
everything is dull
none of my pants fit
fall is my favorite season but i feel nothing

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clean clean clean clean
dont get rid of it
cats hit things
cats are hitters
this is the part where we start punching each other
so many bruises
what happened
it looks like i got beat up
dont invite him over again
im sorry
sorry
please talk to me
i feel old
i think i saw you as a 50 year old woman
you were hot
you were a hot milf
do i look like a milf now
yes
no i dont want to look like ive already had kids
i think i saw you as a baby
you were a hot baby
i think i saw colors for the first time
could you feel the colors
i dont know
is that a thing that happens
i dont know
look at the sky
i think i have to go to the bathroom
are those related

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walked outside and sang to myself
“i dont recognize myself or my life anymoreeee”
thought
im not doing anything constructive
self hatred
all that shit
THAT SHIT
i drank a lot of juice
i ate healthy food then i ate unhealthy food
this is how it goes
i shower then i bike around and walk dogs then i sweat
give up on showering
spend money on dumb shit
make tea
drink half of it
forget about it
drink the rest later
think about substances
think about my acne
think about my dumb hair
think about social issues
think about the economy
apply for more jobs on craigslist
make a chaturbate account
text people
take pictures of my cat
watch snapchats from fashion week
change my profile picture on facebook then sit and watch the likes scroll by
like like like like like
lay on the couch
watch 10 min of a tv show then open another tab and watch 10 min of another show
think
what am i doing
eat more
lay in bed
everything smells weird

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my eyes are crooked and my nose has a shadow
i dont know you but you know how i operate
my body is sore all over
you bend my limbs and move them all over the carpet
i am ok with it
i gave you permission
i am ok with it
i was in too much shock to remember most of it
and that’s reality now im in so much shock that
life actually happens
and there is more to life than football games
and “you’re not an artist; that’s a hobby”
“you’re not an artist; that’s a hobby”
“you’re not an artist; that’s a hobby”
everyone wants to drink with me but i dont even want to drink with me
drinking with me is memory loss and wasted glee
i’d rather we skip that and you just sleep with me