Author: Theo Thimo

Theo Thimo lives in Brooklyn. He has been published in Metazen, Press Board Press, Shabby Doll House, and Everyday Genius. He can also be found on Twitter and Tumblr.

@theoooeooo: selected tweets

Drugs in the morning lol

I love that sleeping is free. I want to write a lot about sleeping

I love it i love it

I dont like doing things laughing so hard

im so entertained by how much of an asshole i am lol its like a trainwreck its amazing im so proud why am i sweating lol

feel chaotic as a person for no reason

Wish i wasnt on drugs so i can deal with the real world more

I just cant do this lol

My concept of reality seems really fucking tragic at this point laughing so hard

Just got fired lol

Laughing my whole day is great guess im free to do things today lol

i can’t believe it’s legal for me to use the internet

im just so filled with love haha laughing so hard

Tweeeeet Tweeet Tweeeet

Something cute is happening in front of me and my manager’s roommate while we smoke weed in the back of the bar.

I ask, “Did I hear John say you two recently moved?”

“Yeah, we did.”

“Oh, where you living now?”

There’s a lovely pause in our friendly conversation.

“Park Avenue.”

“Oh,” I say. Our eyes twinkle and shine toward one another. “Very cool.”

“Yeah, we moved around two weeks ago.”

“It’s funny,” I say, “You have more money right now than I’ll have my whole life. That’s very nice for you.”

He thanks me and expresses profound humility.

“Yeah,” I twirl my thumbs. “I just realized I can’t relate with your life in anyway whatsoever. Have a great day!”

There is something nice about me when I meet Paul near Boston Commons.

“So, that made me feel really emasculated,” I remark to her.

“Stop it.”

“Do I smell bad to you? I haven’t showered in a while and all my clothes are dirty.”

“No, I don’t smell anything.”

We sit in front of ducks or geese.

“I just want to remind you that you can be completely honest with me.”

“You do smell but it doesn’t bother me,” she divulges to me in confidence.

A grand jury recently decided not to indict police officer Darren Wilson in the murder of Michael Brown.

“That’s terrible,” she says.

“I agree.”

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theo on roof

Hi, My name is Theo and I’m a 19 year old writer living in Brooklyn! :) I came up with this story about having friends while I was on my rooftop and it’s good, and I think you’ll love it, but anyway let me say this, I’m not just talking about relationships here. Try to disassociate things from one another, think about how differences can connect things, and please just don’t be ashamed of existing anymore. No matter how wrong people say your existence is, it just isn’t, OK? I hate watching you cry in front of your webcam. You don’t believe you deserve to be happy, but you do. Everyone makes mistakes, that doesn’t make them a bad person.

Nathan Masserang is lying outside on the morning grass like a bright pair of pants, feeling expensive and comfortable, messaging Paul Rizza on Facebook Messenger.

“Theo is so cool,” Nathan says.

“I think he’s very, very cool,” Paul replies. “Strange and carefree, like a big mystery.”

“I think he is just good, like objectively a good person, and I’m very lucky to be his friend and I really consider him a friend.”

“I do too, I want to spend more time with him online.”

Nathan agrees with Paul, noticing the new shining colors in his phone.

Paul sends Nathan a Pusheen sticker. Facebook stickers are illustrations or animations of characters that you can send to friends. They’re a great way to share how you’re feeling and add personality to your chats. It’s an internet postcard that is sent from one online user to another, something to enjoy yourself with, a small moment of instant gratification, sometimes relief, or to feel comfortable with.

Paul mentions to Nathan how the world can seem glimmering at times, bright and expensive like pants.

Scott Krave sends Bob Schofield a Snapchat of a small rainbow that formed over the mist of his garden hose. It’s a small piece of everything, floating in colors somewhere in the air, and maybe it isn’t really there, but it is because we can see it but, I don’t know, I don’t really know how rainbows work but I still like writing about them because they make people happy.

“What makes Theo a Theo?” The Snapchat says, disappearing in seconds like, well a rainbow I guess, or like, I don’t know, an unimportant memory, maybe?

A girl who secretly has a crush on Theo searches his name on Youtube and watches videos of him reading poetry. She thinks he acts cute, and has a goofy voice but also, he still seems very intelligent too, and good looking, and with a great sense of humor too. Maybe she will message Theo later to flirt with him in a nonconfrontational way.

What does make Theo a Theo? Is it a thing like rainbows, or like pants? Paul wonders if he is a little Theo, and Anthony Peregrine text messages Amy Saul-Zerby late at night, vaguely mentioning Theo in a comforting way, and Stephen Michael McDowell messages Stephen Tully Dierks, “I can’t stop reading Theo’s stuff.” John Mortara Kiks James Ganas, “Did you catch Theo’s new story on Electric Cereal?”

“Of course I did.”

Nathan messages Paul like how you would slide letters under a door, and he feels like a Theo, at least I think he feels like a Theo. I’m not sure, and Paul seems confused too. He googles Theo’s name and suddenly, it’s all there.

I Played CS 1.6 All Night And Then Things Got Interesting


If you ever forget what it’s like to feel alive, just wake up one morning after getting no sleep and then drink a lot of coffee. That uncomfortable feeling, the one that feels like you have to pee and poop and also something else you’re not sure exactly yet, and it feels like everyone else is also feeling that same feeling, that is what it’s like to feel alive.

Hi, my name is krapz. It’s 4AM, and I live in the year 2004. I just found out, only a couple of hours ago, that George Washington was reelected.

“do u mean george bush,” says ReIgnitioN on CS 1.6. Then he says, “i am recording a frag vid right now,” and if it’s anything like his other videos, it’ll probably be edited together with that Sandstorm song. ReIgnitioN has a lot of respect in the community for having the most headshots in his frag vids.

“yes i mean george w bush fuck him,” i say and get killed by ReIgnitioN.

“thats going in the frag vid,” he says.

“im so mad,” I say, “where r u john kerry when the country really needs u”

“im owning,” says ReIgnitioN. Next round, I spawn terrorist side, De_Dust.

“this noob is hacking,” says 666.butane, whose k/d ratio is the top of the server.

“u talking to me?” ReIgnitioN says.


“roflcopter i see u using wallhacks,” ReIgnitioN says.

“fucking noobs always in this server,” 666.butane says.

“ur the top player in a 24/7 de_dust server go kill yourself.” ReIgnitioN kills 666.butane. “say hello to all my fans noob hahaha”

“john kerry lost because he is a waffle eating rich boy from massachusetts,” 666.butane says before leaving the server.

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the secret to the perfect something

it was during the reading when i saw dug and nini sneaking out back that i realized they’re both two living, independent people, like two big balls, two big energy balls filled with gravity and science. they didn’t just seem like old people, actually they were the opposite of old people, they were stupid, and funny to watch. in the hall, everyone was drinking beer, i went to dug and said ‘im getting fucked up!’ and laughed, and he laughed too but he didn’t do it in his self-aware, stylish way. it was just like a raw laugh, like a youtube video laugh. jesus, it seemed unbelievable. he asked how i liked the reading, and i said, ‘the ending was the best,’ and he looked uncomfortable. but that’s ok, i’m used to making friends uncomfortable. ‘i’m just kidding, it was all awful like always’ i said, and started laughing for him. dug kept looking around the room. i said, ‘you’re not paying any attention to me,’ and sighed and told him that i saw her go outside. dug made a funny face and gave me a hug, like we were real friends, like sitcom friends, the best kind of friends. i walk towards antony. ‘love is in the airrrrr,’ i said.

he tells me that they’re gross then siz walks by us and we both hold our breath until he passes, and we look at each other like it’s funny, and we both make hissy noises in unison. and later, i’ll be talking to my 3yr old niece, and she’ll say, ‘what’s that?’ while pointing to my armpit, and i’ll say, ‘yeah, you’ll get hair there when u grow up.’

‘when i grow up!’ she says, ‘when i grow up i’ll be just like u!’

‘yeah, yeah you can totally do that, you can be like anyone else too, or i mean, you don’t have to be me, you can be anyone, you can be yourself i mean, you can be totally different, you know, be yourself, yeah.’

and she kept trying to get up but her face was on the floor and she couldn’t really stabilize her lower body, and life sometimes feels like a photo album if you think about how things were and how they are now, like a big photo album, nothing really happening, chuckle at a funny face, look at an interesting sculpture, be confused by who exactly everyone is, like a big happy photo album.


Carl Stanley will touchdown in beautiful, wonderful Dubai for the 2024 Save Earth Convention. Every year, the world’s most ambitious programmers travel to Dubai for a chance to be a part of Save Earth Inc., the largest nonprofit in the world. “Good luck, baby. I love you so much!” Carl’s girlfriend messages him on Kik. In the hotel lobby, Marty Stillgood, who Carl Stanley has read about online, approaches him. Carl feels like he is being approached by a celebrity, but not really. It actually sort of feels like he is seeing an old friend who he doesn’t like or know anything about.

“Carl Stanley,” Marty says, “Do you know the workers here make less than a dollar a week?”

“They deserve more,” Carl says.

“What was your app for again? Parking meters? Do you really think you are capable of achieving anything in your small, miniscule life?”

Carl talks to his girlfriend on Skype, and he wonders what it takes to get close to another human being. Carl believes that there is a system to it. If you do certain things in a certain order, there will be results. How often can you tell someone something before they feel similarly to you. When Carl Stanley is sad, his girlfriend will be sad. It doesn’t matter if they’re in different countries. Carl thinks that there are powerful frequencies that leave the body and alter the lives of others. These frequencies can cause ripples throughout the universe.

Stanley Marty is floating in the pool when Carl sneaks behind him and splashes water in his face.

“Yo! Cut it out!” says Stanley.

Carl originally helped Stanley develop an app that was able to determine if your coffee was decaf or not. Stanley is otherkin. He believes that he is, in some way, not entirely human. He prefers to be identified as a fox. Carl Stanley finds this kind of thinking to be exciting and uplifting.

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