Kind of Like Berlin

you’re telling someone of how you have no interest in travel and wish it
was christmas and you were 8 years old almost all the time
feels like a one-way conversation

you dont know how to open your eyes underwater
you tried in the ocean once but it stung so bad
someone threw a nerf football at you but you couldnt see
it hit you in the head
they laughed but it was heavy with water
it really hurt and you wanted to cry
you pretended you were fine
you do not like people knowing you are sensitive to physical pain
it makes you feel sensitive to everything, to light and sound
like a light sleeper

you wonder why everyone takes it personally when you dont feel like talking
you wish people didnt make you feel bad for preferring to eat alone
there are glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling
you wonder if the glow-in-the-dark stars you put on the ceiling of your freshman dorm are still there
you wonder who lives in your freshman dorm now
you hope things are good with her

once you know you’re capable of this sort of thought, how it spirals
how can you ever be comfortable again

a famous person died today

i like that boys scarf
you keep forgetting to keep things in second-person or else you will seem simple and overly self-involved

you’ve burrowed deep into yourself
you molt & slink forward

it’s hard to care about biology
knowledge of atoms makes you feel less magical
the more you learn about chemicals the more you feel mechanical
fucked fucked
white splatter of paint cutting across a brick wall

it’s not ruined
mortar makes you think of dismantling things & 70’s cartoons
you know why sylvester the cat is called sylvester, you learned in bio
it’s because the scientific name for wild cats as a species is felis silvestris
this knowledge makes you feel less magical
there are no    anywhere

About Kate Monica

Kate Monica is a 20 year old college student in Connecticut. She's been published in Holey Scripture, theNewerYork, Control Literary Magazine, and Orchid Children. She was the recipient of the 2014 Collins Literary Prize. Follow her on Twitter and Tumblr.

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