The Maoist Revolutionary

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When the Maoist revolutionary arrived at the cafe he and his girlfriend were the only ones there. There was mood lighting. The mood lighting was mostly blue. There were blue curtains and blue tablecloths. There was a fish tank but the light in the fish tank was green. This cafe is trying to trick me into believing that water is green, the Maoist revolutionary thought. He was uncomfortable with the mood lighting.

He and his girlfriend sat down at a table and a waiter came from what seemed to be nowhere to learn the drinks they wanted. The Maoist revolutionary wanted a Coke. His girlfriend wanted water. When the waiter left the Maoist revolutionary’s girlfriend told the Maoist revolutionary he should not drink as much soda and drink more water. The Maoist revolutionary passively said that he should drink less soda but right now was not the right time to drink water because the blue mood lighting and green fish tank were making him uncomfortable and drinking soda while around something that made him uncomfortable would make him associate drinking soda with being uncomfortable and therefore he would drink more water, later.

More people entered the cafe and he noticed that the streetlamps outside had turned on but the sun was still mostly above the horizon.

“That’s not how association works. I’m thinking of becoming a computer hacker,” said his girlfriend.

“Everyone is a computer hacker.”

“I want a tattoo that says ‘computer hacker.’”

“If you get the tattoo you won’t have to learn how to hack computers because everyone will believe your tattoo because it is a tattoo,” said the Maoist revolutionary. “Tattoos are like encyclopedias, they are permanent and real, because they are tattoos, just like encyclopedias.”

“You keep saying tattoo. I think you’re trying to make your statement more permanent and real like an encyclopedia by saying tattoo a lot so I will believe you because tattoos are permanent and real like encyclopedias and by hearing the word ‘tattoo’ in a sentence I will immediately think of the attributes of permanent and real and believe what you are saying about tattoos, that they are real and permanent,” said the Maoist revolutionary’s girlfriend. “I already knew that about tattoos though.”

“I know.”

“I think that computer hackers and Maoist revolutionaries are the only relationships that will work out in the end. I think everyone that gets married is secretly a computer hacker and Maoist revolutionary couple. The Bible at weddings is probably actually an encyclopedia. They probably have tattoos that say ‘computer hacker’ and ‘Maoist revolutionary’ and no one knows. I will ask my parents, they are married,” said the Maoist revolutionary’s girlfriend.

“I will read page 655 of an encyclopedia to you as you get your tattoo that says ‘Maoist revolutionary.’”

“I will read page 754 of an encyclopedia to you as you get your tattoo that says ‘computer hacker.’”

The Maoist revolutionary and his girlfriend left the cafe. He took his Coke with him. They got on a bus to the library and stole an encyclopedia volume. It is dark outside and becoming foggy so there is more mood lighting via streetlamps, he thought. He took a sip of his Coke.

They got on a bus to a tattoo parlor but at the tattoo parlor there were no drinks allowed inside so the Maoist revolutionary had to throw away his Coke. The Maoist revolutionary explained how he was trying to associate drinking soda with uncomfortable mood lighting. The tattoo artist told him that it would not work that way; he majored in psychology. There is no mood lighting here so it is okay, the Maoist revolutionary thought, I am okay.

He opened the encyclopedia and began reading from it as his girlfriend was getting a tattoo that said “computer hacker”. His girlfriend stopped him to make sure he was on page 754. When she was done getting her tattoo she switched places with the Maoist revolutionary. She read from page 470 as he was getting his tattoo that said “Maoist revolutionary.”

The tattoo artist smiled at them as they were paying for the tattoos. These two people will have a happy life, the tattoo artist thought. They left. The tattoo artist was happy that they would be happy.

Outside the air was cold. The streetlamps made more mood lighting and the Maoist revolutionary was disappointed he did not have a Coke to continue associating soda with being uncomfortable even though it wouldn’t work.

About Davis Land

Davis Land lives in Texas. He is the author of hershey bar pie. He is the vice-president of MicCheck and the poetry editor of The Eckleburg Project. He has been published by Metazen and Be About It. He can also be found on Tumblr.

  • beatdom

    We should always listen to the tattoo artist. They may not all have majored in psychology, but they know us better than we know ourselves.

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